Cover-to-Cover – Week 14

The Morning Benders – Cold War (Nice Clean Fight)

Ok, now where were we? I hate to say it, but since Spring Break, it has been something of a struggle to get back on track with the old read through the Bible in a year plan.  However, I’m making headway.

One silver lining in having to do a ton of reading to catch up is that I’ve been able to cover 2 Samuel in about 2-3 sittings.  And what a doozy.  That’s right I said “doozy”…  I think that makes me officially a woman.  In fact, I don’t even know any women who use that word.

If no one has put this thing to film, I need to go out and buy the rights immediately (can you buy the rights to the Bible?).  This thing is Gladiator, 300, Kingdom of Heaven, Book of Eli, all rolled up into one.  Death and carnage at every turn.  In a word… epic.

Let’s just take a look at some of the more notable characters…

Joab.  Not one of the more well known characters from the Bible, but he’s David’s right hand man.  Pretty much anything that needed getting done, Joab did.  He’s taking out David’s enemies left and right.  Of course, occasionally he took matters into his own hands.  And he may have tried to set himself up against David towards the end of his life.  But Joab was bad to the bone.  One of my favorite Joab episodes is when he has to confront David about being a whiner baby after Absalom dies.  Really, you should go read it right now.

Absalom.  Of course, some of the more obvious stuff was his revolting against his father, killing his brother, and sleeping with all his father’s concubines.  I’m no rocket scientist, but I’m guessing the whole “concubines” idea was a dude’s idea.  Speaking of rocket scientists, how about Absalom’s demise?  Could have been a scene from Dumb and Dumber…

Now Absalom happened to meet David’s men. He was riding his mule, and as the mule went under the thick branches of a large oak, Absalom’s head got caught in the tree. He was left hanging in midair, while the mule he was riding kept on going.

2 Samuel 18:9

After which, he was quickly dispatched by the aforementioned Joab.  Classic.

David.  Ah, David.  All the time it seems like there is so much focus on the whole Bathsheba thing.  Really, that’s small potatoes compared to the number of people he wipes out during his reign.  Not to mention that enormous amount of dysfunction he either allows or causes within his own family.  The list of crazy-David’s-family stuff is really too long to list out, but the amazing thing is that despite the sexual stuff, and the bloodshed, and the poor family leadership he exhibits, he is still always known as “a man after God’s own heart”  (Acts 13:22).  Just nuts.

The good news (i.e. gospel) is that if there is hope for him, then I guess there is for this more “minor-league” sinner, as well.

Happy reading.